In a Year

A lot can change in a year. You can lose/gain weight. You can make new friends and say goodbye to old ones. You can maintain good health or you can find out you have a chronic incurable illness. You can lose sight of goals and dreams or you can achieve them. The only guarantee in life is just how fast and much things can. And a year is a pretty significant amount of time passed.

When I wrote my first blog post over a year ago that stated I wanted to be closer I didn't know just how much my life would change yet stay the same. When I wrote the blog post about closing over a year ago I was inspired and I felt like my life was on an upswing. I mean I'd been struggling with health issues and chronic pain issues for a while but I had four surgeries to help fix those issues. So I was convinced that 2016 would be my year. I found a retail job, started making videos, and started my last semester of college.

January was a good month I put out a video every week and worked good hours at my retail job getting hands on experience in my field of study. But time went on and January turned into February. During which I was still putting out videos consistently. But slowly my body started to wear down in a way I didn't except. I was tried more frequently and my ankles would hurt after being on them for short periods of time. In March I became less consistent with a weekly video post. Instead of wanting to film after work or on my days off I wanted to rest. I thought maybe it was normal and I just need to get back into the groove of retail life. So in April I made my last video for what would be an extended absence on YouTube. It was a makeup tutorial and giveaway for finally reaching 400 subscribers after I had been stuck at 382 for over a year. It was not my intention to stop after that video. I just knew I was tired and in more pain than I should be.

So I let go of making videos. I kept telling myself and my best friend, Kara, who at the time was helping me film and I was helping her by letting her use my camera, that we would get back to filming and editing soon. Kara watched me become a person I thought I was passed being. The person who cancels plans last minute to stay home and sleep. But she never once made me feel guilty. Even before we knew what was truly going on.

It wasn't until June that I decided to go to the doctor and get my swelling and aching joints checked. In a matter of months I was diagnosed with Sjogren's Syndrome, which is an autoimmune disease that causes your body to attack moisture producing glands in your body. I will link some websites that have a more in depth description for those who are interested.

Links to Sjogren's information:
http://www.sjogrens.org/home/about-sjogrens/symptoms
https://www.hopkinssjogrens.org/disease-information/

By the time I got my answers and started my treatment it was November and I felt miserable. I quit my retail job in search of a job that would be easier on my joints. Then I felt stuck. I seemed to be dealing with my life altering news by researching and trying to find out what at home remedies would help the pain but this was just another form of denial. It was like when I would obsess over a movie or book or person or band. I would learn so much about them because it kept my mind off of something that was more important. Don't get me wrong I'm still working my way through the grieving process but I'm starting to feel more like me again. I made a video in which I talked about my illness. I started to make short makeup tutorials on Snapchat and also try to post more regularly on Instagram. But I've always wanted to blog so I thought now is the time.

A lot can happen in year so I'm going to try to make good things happen this year.


The pictures below are just some of the small changes an invisible illness can make:
(Left to right)
1.) Swollen lips and bruised chin after lip biopsy to diagnosis
2.) Flushed cheeks and swollen under eyes
3.) Swollen feet and ankles
4.) Swelling of eyelids and under eyes